I want to walk on stilts...naked
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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