Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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