Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
