She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
