You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
