So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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