how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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