what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
