hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
