she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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