Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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