u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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