You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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