You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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