Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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