college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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