just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
