dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
