ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I had to cum in my sink.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
