She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
