theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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