Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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