It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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