Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
