I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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