morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
