My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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