I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
