I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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