i'm lost and i look like a hooker
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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