hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize
