can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
