i already hear my dad disowning me
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
