I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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