i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
