i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
