I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
