Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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