I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
