She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
