16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
