mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
