the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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