About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
