he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize