Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
