NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize