There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
