i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
