I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
