yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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