i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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