So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
i've created a new STD.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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