everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
