I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
