lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
