Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Randomize
