Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
