if you like me you must not know who I am
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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