Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
