Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
