he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
