Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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