If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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