she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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