Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
We have so much sex to catch up on
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
