You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
