he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
