girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
