so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
