I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
