At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
