Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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